Is my teenager depressed or just being a teen?

Biological reality vs clinical warning signs.

Outline:

• The Biology: Teenage brains are still building the parts responsible for decision-making and emotional regulation.

• Normal vs. Clinical: Average/Expected behaviours vs clinical red flags

  
  

Before we get into it, let's take a step back and look into the teenage brain. Yes, we have all been there before, and we think we know everything there is to know about being a teen. We survived and shouldn’t expect anything less from our children, right? But think back to some of the more difficult times of being a teenager. Wouldn't it have been nice to be heard and understood, instead of feeling attacked/nagged, blamed or belittled by those closest to you?

Teenage Brain Under Construction

To better understand the biology, we can zoom in on two parts of the brain to understand where our teen is at: the Amygdala and the Prefrontal cortex.

The Amygdala is the emotional centre deep inside the brain that processes emotions, gut reactions, aggression, fear and instinctive behaviour. Think: Nervous System. This control centre functions from birth. It allows the baby to detect threats, cry for survival and process basic emotions like comfort and fear. It also changes during puberty, forming new connections and learning to communicate with the Prefrontal Cortex through experiences.

The Prefrontal Cortex is the rational centre. It handles planning, reasoning, problem-solving, and impulse control. Based on the input, it will tailor an output to get what it wants. It begins developing in childhood and continues to learn and form important connections well into early adulthood. It is one of the last parts of the brain to mature, around the age of 25. So, this teenage window is when we need to model the responses we want to see and train the neural connections that will help them throughout adulthood.

This mismatch in functional brain centres gives us a good idea of the biological functions at play. However, because each person is unique, it will look different. Different behaviours, attitudes, personalities, and especially environments will shape the teen's outlook, reactions, and behaviour. Additionally, how their parents respond can either strengthen or weaken their connection and trust. Basically, our relationship with them can make or break them. No pressure!

What is “normal” teenage behaviour?

My standard answer is, "there's no such thing as normal” but for argument's sake, we will talk about average teenage behaviour: 

• Needing more sleep than an adult; Natural tendency to sleep later and wake later

• A stronger need for privacy

• Heightened sensitivity to criticism

• Wanting peer approval over parent approval

• Mood swings / Irritability (short-lived)

• Testing boundaries

• Changing personal style

• Trying new hobbies/activities

• Developing abstract thinking 

• Novelty-seeking

  
  

This phase is as important in human development as the first 3 years of a baby's life. The rapid growth and changes happening in their brain and body are all preparing our teens for adulthood. Allow them space to grow, change their mind and debate on topics they are passionate about. Allow discussions to encourage understanding; ask open-ended questions and allow time for them to respond; in calm moments, show them that they matter and are accepted for who they are; let them know that your door is always open to them; be their calm in the storm (model regulation) and start building the relationship you want to have with them when they are adults.

Signs of Teenage Depression: What parents should look for 

Clinically speaking, depression is more than just feeling sad for a few days. Signs and symptoms include:

• Prolonged sadness  

• Persistent fatigue

• Changes in sleep and eating habits 

• Irritability

• Feelings of Worthlessness / Hopelessness

• Trouble concentrating / a sudden drop in academics

• Removing oneself from previously enjoyable activities/isolation. 

• Physical symptoms (constant headache/stomachache)

• Symptoms last consistently for more than 2 weeks

SADAG, the South African Depression and Anxiety Group, explains it perfectly on their site: "We all feel sad or low at times, it's a normal part of life. However, Depression is when these symptoms last most of the day,

nearly every day, for at least two weeks, and interfere with daily life."

Symptom identification: What are the changes you are noticing?

• Duration: How long has it been going on?

• Frequency: How often do they experience this?

• Intensity: How intense are the feelings or changes? (on a scale of 1-10)

• Impact: How has this affected your teen's daily life?

Once these questions are answered, we can have an idea of whether it is teenage mood swings or depression. 

These markers need to be tracked for at least 2 weeks consistently for a Psychologist to diagnose depression. Keep in mind that depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain which causes these changes. It is not a choice. We should first rule out any physical or biological medical concerns with a doctor. 

A diagnosis of depression should not be taken lightly; however, it is not the final destination. Depression, particularly in adolescence, can be managed and treated with the right support and environment. Many tools, tips, and techniques can help you, your teen, and your family weather the storm. 

All healthy relationships start on a foundation of trust and communication. Talk to them about your worries, ask what concerns them, create a code word if they need help, don't interrogate, and invite openness by being open. Accept them without judgement, and they will always come back to you. 

For the seasons when it all feels too much, guidance is available. As a Registered Counsellor, I have spoken at hundreds of schools and counselled teens and adults. I provide a person-centred, relational approach, offering psychoeducation, communication strategies, and practical tools to help your family weather the storm. If you would like to discuss your specific challenges, book a session on Emerge with Maya today. Let's make room to breathe and space to grow.